Ian

An open letter to those dealing with acquired brain injury

It was April 2014, my perceived self was a frantically busy 48-year old Land Rover technician; mountaineering and scenery junkie; ex-martial artist; watercolour painter; eternal student; husband; father; brother; son etc.

I say I was, because I didn't count on an arterial dissection in my spinal cord depriving my brain stem of its vital juice and reconfiguring a different self. So now, because of aphasia, dysarthria, dyspraxia... I appear like a drunken jaywalker; no more Kilimanjaro, stairs are a challenge, but I can manage that other Japanese art, origami.

After intensive care, I heard that word "hope" all too frequently. Just a step up from wishful thinking, to my mind. I ashamedly vocalised my thoughts: "I wished I hadn't survived". I could barely move, see, speak or even swallow my saliva.

Nevertheless, the nightmare became reality, reality begat acceptance, acceptance begat determination...

Five weeks later I made the overwhelming transition from that Pythonesque hospital environment - with a machine that goes "ping" - to the major anxiety of hearth, home and humble-pie. Nothing had changed, apart from everything!

I had never asked for help before, but fortunately it came. The Stroke Association referred me to Conductive Education - learning how to move properly, or training the brain to rewire itself.

The classes have finished but I am still distance learning.

I was still feeling like a patient when I was referred to Momentum Skills. That's when the self discovery journey really began. Things started to make sense, I started to make sense and understand all the WHY's - well some of them. Training in basic/life skills, cognitive sessions. Psycho babble? No! My advice: engage with all of the program. Be honest with and about yourself. No reason to compare with your peers, everyone has their ABI, but it's your journey, so snatch back all that you can and make a new, better self. The more you persevere, the more likely neuro-plasticity will make lasting, new connections.

Acceptance is not something that happens immediately, in fact I am often frustrated by this strange new operating system in my skull, but there is always new stuff to learn, new challenges, hypothetical mountains. But alas, you'll have to let go of "the comfort blanket" of support eventually, so try to accept the mutability of life and rejoice in the coming tomorrows.

So now I am happily busy, not in aesthetic existence, but in instrumental living.

In October 2014 I returned to my studies with the Open University. I was offered a degree in June 2015, but I didn't want to settle for that, so I am continuing for Honours sake. Maybe even a Masters. I recently completed an Award in Education and Training , and NVQ Assessors Award.

I am now working as an Academic Support Worker at the University of Birmingham helping disabled students in post-compulsory education; a voluntary ICT buddy at my local library as well as a voluntary support worker with the Stroke Association.

But remember - cliche alert - no person is an island, you may have survived a brain injury but everyone who is really in your life during and since that time has suffered from your situation. Repay all their love and kindness with self-determination and empathy - you can't do it alone.

You owe it to yourself and others.

Good luck, may the force be with you.